January 30th, 2025

NOTICING AND WONDERING

Everyone has a need to 1) feel like they belong, and 2) feel in control. Both of these things are challenged for many people right now.

I notice that the workplace (and world) is a tenuous place at the moment. People are hurting for lots of different reasons which makes them go into protective mode and be less open to sharing, being vulnerable, taking risks, and communicating. All of this works against collaboration, connection, and cohesion. People are shut down.

I wonder what would happen if we paid attention to meeting these needs in each other? How can we signal 1) belonging and 2) control to allow people to show up (and open up) at work, knowing that not only helps us feel better, but perform better too?

A QUOTE TO THINK ABOUT

“People want to be in control and they want to feel like they belong. The key to influence is making them feel heard and understood - because when they do, they’re more likely to move in your direction.”

— Chris Voss, a former FBI negotiator, author, speaker

A DEEP-ish QUESTION (or Three)

When was the last time a colleague made you feel truly seen and understood? What exactly did they do?
In moments of workplace uncertainty, what helps you stay grounded and maintain a sense of control?
How might your current communication style be influencing others' sense of belonging?

SOMETHING TO TRY

Try a “Control & Belonging Check-in.” At your next team meeting, try this simple but powerful exercise. Ask everyone to privately rate (1-10) how much they currently feel:

In control of their work and impact
A sense of belonging on the team

Then, have each person share ONE specific thing that would help increase either number by 1-2 points. Focus on small, actionable changes. The key is to make this practical rather than theoretical.

CASE CONSULTATION

Question: My director frequently brings up politics in team meetings making several colleagues uncomfortable. What should I do? I do not want to jeopardize my job but it is making me mad and creating discomfort on the team.

Dr. Bobbi: Your awareness of team dynamics and desire to address this constructively shows real leadership potential. Since you value your director's leadership, let's approach this as a collaborative conversation rather than a confrontation.

Consider requesting a brief 1:1 meeting. Start by expressing genuine appreciation for their leadership style and commitment to open dialogue to build rapport. Then, try using curious, open-ended questions to explore their perspective: "I've been thinking about our team dynamics, which I know you care a lot about, and I'm noticing that at times the team seems really cohesive like (give a real example) and other times people seem more disconnected, like when the conversation turns political. Have you noticed this too? I wanted to come to you with my observation because I know having a strong team really matters to you.”

Listen carefully to their response. This gives you insight into their intentions and creates space to share your observations and ideas.

This approach invites your director to reflect on team inclusion while preserving their autonomy. They might not have noticed the impact of these conversations, and your thoughtful observation could help them see things differently. Focus on building collaboration and anchoring the conversation on what matters to them. Be an ally in helping them achieve that. What leader does not want a strong team? Focus on open discussion rather than brutal honesty, which will put the leader on the defensive.

Remember, the goal isn't to tell them they're wrong but to explore together how to create an environment where everyone can fully contribute to the team's success.

ANNOUNCEMENT

Want to learn more about how to bring the best out of your team especially in challenging times? We're offering a practice-based 6 part program to teach coaching skills that increase motivation, performance, and connection on your team.

Then try our Groops for Emerging Coaches & Leaders Program.

WHAT TO EXPECT:

6 x 1.5 hour virtual sessions led by a Groop Guide (an expert in coaching and psychology) with a mix of teaching content and group exercises with feedback. Cohort size: 3-10 people.

2 x 30 min private 1-on-1 virtual sessions with your Groop Guide to dive deeper into your coaching strengths, areas of improvement, or anything else you'd like to work on or discuss.

Peer-to-peer virtual coaching practice that can count towards volunteer coaching hours if pursuing a coaching certificate.

Content and action steps emailed after each session.

NEXT COHORT: Meeting on Wednesdays @ 1-2:30pm ET (virtual) on 2/19, 2/26, 3/5, 3/12, 3/19, 3/26. Register below to join!

TO REGISTER: Please sign up HERE.

Thanks for reading and keep on connecting. :)

Best,

Bobbi

Bobbi Wegner, Psy.D.
Founder and CEO of Groops: helping teams feel and function their best
Lecturer at Harvard University in Industrial-Organizational Psychology

If you are curious about a workplace dynamic or issue, send me an email at drbobbiwegner@joingroops.com and I will anonymously post it and respond. If you are thinking it, others are too. We can learn from each other. Also, if you are curious about the cohesion and health of your team, book a complimentary 30-minute consultation HERE with one of our Groop Guides.

Politics, Discomfort, Managing Up