N7 - Leadership, Parenting, Your Style
Hi there. I’m Dr. Bobbi Wegner.
Welcome to The Psychology of Teams and People: Insights from Within. I am a clinical psychologist who lives at the intersection of psychology, business, and technology. I teach organizational psychology at Harvard. I spend a lot of time inside companies across the globe. And, I am the founder and CEO of Groops.
Groops bring experts in organizational psychology to help teams deepen cohesion and improve functioning, at scale. AI helps us provide ongoing insights and recommendations - and allows us to see themes across the team, within the organization, and between companies.
Each message includes (a) noticing and wonderings about everyday psychology at work, (b) a quote to think about, (c) a question to deepen understanding, and (d) something to try. Enjoy!
Noticing and Wondering
I notice that leadership and parenting have a lot of parallels, but when I say that outloud, people seem to have an “aha” moment, which always surprises me. Maybe it is because I am a psychologist and have spent my career working with both parents and leaders so the similarity is easy for me to spot, but regardless, I find it to be a helpful frame.
I wonder if we take what we know from parenting and apply it to leadership, how it would help leaders?
In parenting, nobody is a parent until they have a child. Even if you babysat, had younger siblings, and played with your neighbor - you are not a parent until you become one.
In leadership, many people are top-notch individual contributors (and might have amazing leadership qualities) but do not have experience leading a team until they do so.
Because we cannot truly experience parenting or leadership until we are in the role of either, we often draw on past experiences to inform how we approach these roles. This means, we pull from our trunk of past experiences (consciously or unconsciously) to put together an approach that is often played out in an unconscious way. That is great if we had great parents and leaders, but not so great, if not.
Dan Siegel, a famous parenting expert who specializes in the neurobiology of parenting, calls it our “default parenting map.” At Groops, we call it our “default leadership map.”
But, it is not past experiences that determine our success as a parent or leader, but how we make sense of those experiences. This is generally done through therapy or coaching. You are not doomed - understanding these parts helps us do something different.
There are different parenting / leadership styles that primarily fall into 4 categories (National Institute of Health). These styles reflect how responsive (i.e. warm and supportive) and how demanding (e.g. expectation and control) parents / leaders are:
Authoritative (correlated with best outcomes): High responsiveness with high expectations, collaborative approach, solves problems together, open / direct / empathic communication, clear rules and expectations, natural consequences, discipline / feedback is supportive rather than punitive
Authoritarian: Low responsiveness with high expectations, parent / leader driven, strict rules and punishments, one way communication (from parent / leader down to the child / employee), punishment is used for discipline / feedback
Permissive: High responsiveness with low expectations, child / employee driven, rarely enforces rules, gives in to avoid conflict, discipline / feedback is rare
Neglectful (correlated with poorest outcomes): Low responsiveness with low expectations, uninvolved / absent, provides little nurturance or guidance, indifferent to child / employee’s social and emotional needs, discipline / feedback is either rare or punitive
The Authoritative Approach predicts the best outcomes and is likened to transformational or democratic leadership. These type of leaders and teams have:
Clarity of share goals / mission / vision / values of the team are set and regularly discussed
High expectations with support, guidance, and clear communication
Collaboration which is fostered and people feel committed to shared goals
Mutual respect built through bidirectional feedback
Healthy conflict handled directly and with respect and empathy for all
Empowered teams that make decisions (clear structure / expectations with lots of room for freedom, creativity, and autonomy)
Regular feedback that is regular, clear, and bidirectional
Accountability and natural consequences
Growth opportunities that are clear and discussed
Leaders set the plan, have a clear vision, are open to feedback, make the final decision, take responsibility when things go wrong, build strong teams and get out of the way
So, as you reflect on your leadership style, think about what it is, who shaped it, and what you need to do to 1) understand your past experience with authority, and 2) what you want to try to be more authoritative, democratic, and transformational.
A QUOTE TO THINK ABOUT
“Before you are a leader, success is all about growing yourself. When you become a leader, success is all about growing others.”
Source: Jack Welch
A DEEP-ish QUESTION (or Four)
Based on the parenting / leadership styles above, what style best represents your approach?
Who are the most influential authority figures in your life and how do they shape how you lead (for better or worse)?
What are some of your leadership habits that might make people feel judged, criticized, or disconnected from you?
What would need to change to adopt a more authoritative leadership style?
SOMETHING TO TRY
If you want to learn more about your leadership style with a quick quiz - try THIS (we have no affiliation with Idealist, btw).
ANNOUNCEMENT
Our core offerings include Groops for Teams (psychology based team coaching), Groops for Leaders (a self-reflective leadership training program), and Custom Groops (build expert led Groops to meet the news of your business - Groops for New Hires, Affinity Groops etc.).
Groops for Leaders is built to help leaders articulate their unique leadership style based on who they are and provides actionable tools to build a highly cohesive, high performing team.
Book a time below HERE if you want to learn more.
Best,
Bobbi
Bobbi Wegner, Psy.D.
Founder and CEO of Groops: helping teams feel and function their best
Lecturer at Harvard University in Industrial-Organizational Psychology
If you are curious about the cohesion and health of your team, book a complimentary 30 minute consultation HERE . Shoot me a note to find out more or to submit a question / problem at work and we will respond anonymously in the newsletter. info@joingroops.com .
