September 26th, 2024

NOTICING AND WONDERING

This week there is a strong theme around values. Last week, I ran an executive retreat with a new partner focused on revamping their mission, vision, and values. This week in my Motivation class, the topic also happened to be values. 

In general (i.e., not with the aforementioned partner!), I notice that many leaders do not understand how their personal values shape their leadership. They have a vague sense of what they value but have not spent enough time (1) truly unpacking their most important values and (2) connecting them with the goals of the team and organization. 

Values drive behavior, so it is critical for leaders to know how their values impact their leadership. Our values shape what we think. What we think drives what we feel. What we feel drives what we do. What we do is what people see. Those behaviors show up on teams and move us closer to deeper connection and stronger working relationships (or push us away).  

To make it more tangible, I will personalize it. 

 I value autonomy. Because I value autonomy, one of my inner mantras is “When there is a will, there is a way, and I can figure it out on my own.” This thought both (1) helps me feel confident in myself and (2) frustrates / annoys me when my autonomy is challenged. 

All values have an upside and downside. 

In a team setting, this might show up as a lack of willingness to collaborate, which works against our shared goal of connection and cohesion. Because I have enough self-awareness to notice my frustration in certain circumstances, I have choice in how I respond to this feeling. I can tell people to “leave me alone, I got it,” or I can notice the feeling, notice it comes from within, and push myself to take feedback and collaborate, which often helps our team and me move in new, unexpected, and positive directions.

Unless we reflect and deepen self-understanding, we operate without awareness of the compass that guides us.  

I wonder, if leaders spend more time understanding their values and connecting them with their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, how would it impact not only their team’s productivity but also their well-being? I wonder what would need to happen in our organizations for leaders to feel free enough to own their values and model deeper self-awareness and understanding while linking the personal to the professional?

A QUOTE TO THINK ABOUT

A DEEP-ish QUESTION (or Four)

1. Who are 3 to 5 of the most influential people in your life (parents, family, teachers/mentors, spouses, bosses, etc.)?

2. What are the important institutions you are/were a part of that shaped your beliefs (religion, national beliefs, regional beliefs, schools, organizations)?

3. What were the core values of these people and institutions?

4. How did they shape your core values and how you see the world and others?

SOMETHING TO TRY

Learn more about how your core values impact your leadership or how you approach decisions at work. 

1. Identify Values: Write down 3 to 5 core values.

2. Reflect: Think about a recent decision and how your values influenced it. Did your actions align with your values?

3. Impact: Consider how this alignment (or misalignment) affected the outcome and your team.

4. Action: Choose one value to improve on and commit to a specific action to better align your leadership / role with that value.

CASE CONSULTATION

Question: My colleague lacks self-awareness. How do I give feedback without blowing up the relationship or being a jerk?

Dr. Bobbi: Thank you for sharing. All relationships are two-way streets, so instead of framing this as a deficit in your colleague, think of it as an opportunity for the two of you to improve communication and collaboration. 

Giving and receiving feedback is critical for team connection and cohesion, yet it is something we often avoid because we don’t want to hurt others’ feelings or disrupt the relationship. Feedback is a healthy sign in a workgroup or any group. But how we approach it matters. Know you own a part of this. Everything is relational. Your colleagues' style might work well with another type of person, but not with your style. Framing your colleague as the problem starts the feedback process from a critical perspective, which will most likely make your colleague defensive. Instead:

1. Use “I” Statements: Express how the behavior affects you without making it about the colleague personally.

• Example: “I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed when tasks are assigned without a clear deadline.”

2. Be Specific and Focus on Behavior: Address a specific action or behavior, not the person’s character.

• Example: “When the project timelines are unclear, it makes it harder for me to prioritize my work.”

3. Choose the Right Moment: Give feedback in a calm, private setting, not when emotions are high or deadlines are looming.

4. Balance with Positives: Start with positive feedback to show appreciation for their efforts.

• Example: “I really appreciate how thorough you are with your project ideas. It’s always clear that you put a lot of thought into them.”

5. Invite Dialogue: Encourage a conversation and ask for their perspective.

• Example: “What do you think about setting clearer deadlines together? I’d love to hear your thoughts on how we can improve this process.”

By following this approach, the feedback remains constructive and collaborative, emphasizing positive change without creating defensiveness. Hope this helps! 

ANNOUNCEMENT

Our podcast, The Psychology of Work: Why People Are the Way They Are is coming soon! We are underway recording now and look forward to launching our first episode on October 3rd. Find it on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, and more!

Keep on connecting.

Best,

Bobbi

Bobbi Wegner, Psy.D.
Founder and CEO of Groops​: helping teams feel and function their best
Lecturer at Harvard University in Industrial-Organizational Psychology

If you are curious about a workplace dynamic or issue, send me an email at drbobbiwegner@joingroops.com and I will anonymously post it and respond. If you are thinking it, others are too. We can learn from each other. Also, if you are curious about the cohesion and health of your team, book a complimentary 30-minute consultation HERE with one of our Groop Guides.