July 18th, 2024

NOTICING AND WONDERING

​I notice that leadership and parenting have a lot of parallels, but when I say that out loud, people seem to have an “aha” moment, which always surprises me. Maybe it is because I am a psychologist and have spent my career working with both parents and leaders so the similarity is easy for me to spot, but regardless, I find it to be a helpful frame. 

I wonder if we take what we know from parenting and apply it to leadership, how it would help leaders?

In parenting, nobody is a parent until they have a child. Even if you babysat, had younger siblings, and played with your neighbor - you are not a parent until you become one. 

In leadership, many people are top-notch individual contributors (and might have amazing leadership qualities) but do not have experience leading a team until they do so.

Because we cannot truly experience parenting or leadership until we are in the role of either, we often draw on past experiences to inform how we approach these roles. This means, we pull from our trunk of past experiences (consciously or unconsciously) to put together an approach that is often played out in an unconscious way. That is great if we had great parents and leaders, but not so great, if not.  

Dan Siegel, a famous parenting expert who specializes in the neurobiology of parenting, calls it our “default parenting map.” At Groops, we call it our “default leadership map.” 

But, it is not past experiences that determine our success as a parent or leader, but how we make sense of those experiences. This is generally done through therapy or coaching. You are not doomed - understanding these parts helps us do something different.  

There are different parenting / leadership styles that primarily fall into 4 categories (National Institute of Health). These styles reflect how responsive (i.e. warm and supportive) and how demanding (i.e. expectation and control) parents / leaders are:

• Authoritative (correlated with best outcomes): High responsiveness with high expectations, collaborative approach, solves problems together, open / direct / empathic communication, clear rules and expectations, natural consequences, discipline / feedback is supportive rather than punitive

• Authoritarian: Low responsiveness with high expectations, parent / leader driven, strict rules and punishments, one way communication (from parent / leader down to the child / employee), punishment is used for discipline / feedback 

• Permissive: High responsiveness with low expectations, child / employee driven, rarely enforces rules, gives in to avoid conflict, discipline / feedback is rare

• Neglectful (correlated with poorest outcomes): Low responsiveness with low expectations, uninvolved / absent, provides little nurturance or guidance, indifferent to child / employee’s social and emotional needs, discipline / feedback is either rare or punitive

The Authoritative Approach predicts the best outcomes and is likened to transformational or democratic leadership. These type of leaders and teams have:

• Clarity of shared goals / mission / vision / values of the team are set and regularly discussed

• High expectations with support, guidance, and clear communication

• Collaboration which is fostered and people feel committed to shared goals

• Mutual respect built through bidirectional feedback 

• Healthy conflict handled directly and with respect and empathy for all

• Empowered teams that make decisions (clear structure / expectations with lots of room for freedom, creativity, and autonomy)

• Regular feedback that is regular, clear, and bidirectional

• Accountability and natural consequences

• Growth opportunities that are clear and discussed

• Leaders set the plan, have a clear vision, are open to feedback, make the final decision, take responsibility when things go wrong, build strong teams and get out of the way

So, as you reflect on your leadership style, think about what it is, who shaped it, and what you need to do to 1) understand your past experience with authority, and 2) what you want to try to be more authoritative, democratic, and transformational.

A QUOTE TO THINK ABOUT

SOMETHING TO TRY

If you want to learn more about your leadership style with a quick quiz - try THIS (we have no affiliation with Idealist, btw). 

A DEEP-ish QUESTION (or Four)

Based on the parenting / leadership styles above, what style best represents your approach?

Who are the most influential authority figures in your life and how do they shape how you lead (for better or worse)?

What are some of your leadership habits that might make people feel judged, criticized, or disconnected from you? 

What would need to change to adopt a more authoritative leadership style?

ANNOUNCEMENT

If these questions are resonating with you, check out our Groops for Leaders series where we dive deeper into your own leadership style, together.

Groops for Leaders is built to help leaders articulate their unique leadership style based on who they are  and provides actionable tools to build a highly cohesive, high performing team. 

Book a time HERE if you want to learn more. 

Keep on connecting. Cohesion is built one connection thread at a time. 

Best,

Bobbi

Bobbi Wegner, Psy.D.
Founder and CEO of Groops​: helping teams feel and function their best
Lecturer at Harvard University in Industrial-Organizational Psychology

If you are curious about a workplace dynamic or issue, send me an email at drbobbiwegner@joingroops.com and I will anonymously post it and respond. If you are thinking it, others are too. We can learn from each other. Also, if you are curious about the cohesion and health of your team, book a complimentary 30-minute consultation HERE with one of our Groop Guides.